Time Will Tell
Sunday, August 3, 2014 * : Guys, it's time for me to reveal my new invention! * : And you did all of this by yourself? * : Yeah, my crew is practically dead for the summer, and I haven't made anything since June, and it's a withdrawal 'cause of that load of summer reading I had to do! [Camera pan to one book having been read.] * : But why'd you have to do it in our room? * : Do you see what goes on in the boys' room when you're not around? [Scene cut to Salvador, Qalam-Rassas and Cil making a mess and Javier playing solitaire on his bed. Then cut back to the present.] * : Now, everyone, count down with me! *'Kids': Five! Four! Three! Two! One! * : Voilà! [He reveals his invention. It is an inflatable raft connected to a motor.] * : What is that? * : I call it Crete Ampelas. * : Why? * : Isn't it obvious? Nobody cares. * : Okay, I'd better get down to those errands that Mum and Dad assigned me. Going downstairs! * : Me too! I've got to get something to eat. [Exeunt ambae.] * : Now all we have to do is to bring it downstairs and show it in action! * : But it's too big! * : Yeah, there won't be any way to bring it downstairs. * : Not unless we push it. * : Ha-ha, you said "poo sh * : I know what I said! * : Oi, this is the life. * : Yeah. Who doesn't want to sit by on a romantic Sunday and watch a fireplace display … with no kids? * : 'Ope yer bein' sarcastic, th' 'ole reason we've got a digital fireplace's acos we can't use a real one after thet … fire incident. * : [going downstairs] Mum, are you watching anything now? * : Not really. * : And if you think we are, it's a high quality animated programme detailing the rules of fire safety! * : Speaking of fires, do you think I can watch a little BFDIA? [The parents look at each other.] * : You want to watch BFDIA? * : Of course! After all, it is the 1367th day-iversary since you both came home. * : Aww, thet's so sweet! But why'd'ee decide to watch'e now? * : Oh, y'know, watching my parents in flattery in order to get those new 2014 sextuple-three mouthliners everyone else seems to have, nothing else is on the telly … * : Hold on, what did you say? * : Telly. * : No, before that. * : The? * : I think someone's bein' nice to someone so they can get wot they want, yeah? * : Maybe. * : 'Ere's the thing. If you can prove thet'ee can be more well-behaved by summer's end, we'll gi'ee the money to buy'ee the 2014 mouthliners. * : Yay, so does that mean I don't have to watch BFDIA? * : Are'ee kiddin', put thet disc in, m8! * : Yeah, I want to see my ugly not-so-ugly self! * : Oi, yer really beautiful, there. I should know, I rewatched yer scenes all throughout 2011. * : I'll put the disc in! [She does so.] * : By the way … Day-iversary. New word. * : On the count of pi, push it! * : Like this? * : NO! * : Not in our room! * : But the bathroom's so far! * : That doesn't matter! * : Pi! [They start pushing the raft, but it barely moves.] * : Lallie, aren't you going to help? * : Why should I? Too much pushing things around isn't good for my psyche. * : Neither is not helping! * : Annnnnnnnnnn' … stop. This is the part o' me season you mus' ne'er forget. Girl, take notes acos this is 'ow marriage works. * : Not always! * : Shut up, m8. [She plays the archival footage.] : : : : : : : : : : : : : : [he points] : : : : : : [At some point, Saye looks at her mother and sees that she's mouthing all the words that she's said during the episode.] * : Really, Mum? * : Well, I may not be British 'ere but I've still got'e! * : Aaaaaand … it's out! Thank you guys so much for helping me, you're basically the Inventing Club of summer 201 * : Enough with the talk, how does this thing work? * : Well, at first I tried to steer this down the stairs. [Flashback to Sio going downstairs rather slowly with the raft.] * : But then, I had an epiphany! * : You mean "exodus"? * : It turns out that it's not that it can't go down the stairs, it's that it doesn't want to go down the stairs! * : How do you know? * : I took a class on machine psychology last year. Avi, you should take that class! * : Yay, they always said I have a knack for talking to things that aren't alive. * : They said you "only talk to things that aren't alive". * : Oh. * : Instead, I've decided to ride Crete off the stairs! * : Good luck with that, can you imagine how Mummy and Daddy would feel if you broke their staircase? * : But they're downstairs! [He waves at Pen, who waves back.] * : Come on, summer's almost over! * : Don't remind me. * : If this is the last thing we do before school starts, this will be awesome, right? * : Yeah! I love destroying things! * : Okay then … * : So who's ready to tear down these walls like Ronald Reagan? * : Who's that? * : Someone you'll learn in seventh grade. * : He's American, isn't he? * : On the count of one, we go! * : Yay! * : Before we continue, please keep your hands and arms inside Crete at all times. * : Woah, you know Swahili? * : No, I just remembered what they told us at the Shillingworld Fair. * : I'm feeling a mix of excitement and pure terror. * : I'm not! By the way, is this safe? * : If you want! One! [He rides Crete off the stairs, breaking a railing on the way. The kids say a mix of either "Whee" or "Ah" as they crash onto the table, knocking some glass things on the ground.] * : Oh … * : My … * : Table … * : Wot'n'ale? [She gets up from the couch and runs to the table.] * : Pen, 'elp me! * : Sorry, I'm too busy replaying myself! : : * : It's like watching someone really hot on the screen, but the really hot person is you! [Pencil's eyes light on fire.] * : Okay, you're hotter; I'm coming. * : Mum! * : Dad! * : O beloved parents, send for us peace! * : I wanna know wot's goin' on right now an' why this swimmin' raf's on the table! * : Okay, it was totally my fault. I've just had such a bad summer that I had to make something, so I made Crete. * : Very good craftsmanship, eh, just like his father. * : Oi! * : I mean … son what are you doing with your life your slope in respect to success is negative. * : We're so sorry! * : Yeah, just punish only me, I love being grounded! * : It was totally my fault, I swear. * : Well, yer under a punishment we're about to figure out! * : Oh, come on Penc, it's not that bad. * : Dad, look under. [He sees some shards of broken something on the floor.] * : What? You guys broke my General Sofer-Is-Watching-You action figure? * : But we heard him say "again" in Kiswahili! * : If anything he was asking for it. * : That's ten-hut!''In Swahili, "tena" is the word for "again". Penc, what should we do? * : Well, I think it's rather obvious o' wot we've got to do. * : Please don't go with that thing you threatened us with all summer! * : And now we've an idea! [''Enter Yaretzi, carrying some food.] * : Welp, I've finally got those six-week-old apricot sandwich cookies you got from Leafy and Firey's baby shower! They're a bit stale, but … [She sees that the kids are in Crete, still sad.] * : Something's going on. You're not happy! * : Of course we're not … we're being punished with something people like you like! * : Really? What is it? Monday, August 4, 2014 * : Summer camp? * : Well, it's more like a third-summer camp. * : Thet's right. All nine o' ye'll be goin' to this camp from today ter Augus' 29. * : And that is 25 days - it means you'll be here for 612 hours, no more, no less. * : Yay … * : Hey, that's just like school! [Salvador slaps him.] * : Ow. What was that for? * : We skip school! * : Oh. * : Can I go home now? * : Already? Oh, come on. Isn't camp the new thing the kids do these days? * : Aye, when we were younger camp was fer things like * : Good night, everybody! * : Y'know, I actually remember seeing signs at the end of the school year saying "See you at Camp Nidhamu". * : See, Sio's trying to have fun! * : Being here was his fault! * : No it wasn't! * : Yeah! It was your fault! * : No, it's my fault! * : Oi, me guilt children … they get thet from me. [Someone arrives at the counter.] * : Hello and welcome to Camp Nidhamu. For English, press 1. * : 'Ello, I'd like to register me children fer Camp Nidhamu. Ten, please? * : And will you give me their ages? * : 15, 13, 12, 12, 10, 10, 9, 9, 7 an' 5. * : And by that do you mean one child in the 5 6 range, one child in the 7 8 range, four children in the 9 10 range, two children in the 11 12 range, and one ndogo mshauri ? * : Aye, thet is all. * : Your total is 59,840 Ksh. Would you like to pay cash or credit? * : Wot shall I pay? * : Aw man, why'd you have to always turn to me for financial decisions? * : [showing her a credit card] We choose * : You have chosen the cash. Please pay at once. [A number of incidents counting money later.] * : And … 59,840. * : Thank you for your contributions and donations. Your children are now permitted to enter the campsite. * : Okay, kids, says goodbye to Mummy an' Daddy! * : Make sure you have the best one-third-of-summer experience ever! [Audiuntur responsiones impositiciæ.''From August 30, 2016 known as A.R.I. ''Then they run through the gates except Sio.] * : Mum, Dad, why aren't they letting me in? * : Are you the one who is thirteen years old? * : Yes, I am. * : Well, to put this in rather simple terms … CAMP IS FOR FIVE TO TWELVE-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN ONLY! * : But you let my older sister Saye in, and she's ancient! * : That's different, she has been set up to be a ndogo mshauri, a position at camp primarily attainable by 15-year-olds. * : Come on, let's go. * : Yeah. … What, I got nothing. * : Mum, Dad, please don't punish me or anything! * : We don' want to punish'ee. * : You don't? Then I'll just be bored the whole summer! * : No, you won't. We're allowing you to visit your friends rather than be at our house. * : Y'know, most people would think of that as a punishment, with the whole "not being allowed to go to your own house or anything". But I'll take it! * : Yes! * : In fact, Lego's resident home is down that street. Care to drop me off? * : 'Ere goes! [They go to the house.] * : All right, Mum, Dad! See you tonight! * : Bye! * : Have a nice trip! [Exit Sio. Pencil and Pen act sad as they drive off, but after that they start cheering.] * : Finally the kids are gone fer the las' month o' summer! * : Hey, at least one they're happy I'm happy! * : So wot shall we do on our Rest an' Relaxation Party o' 2014? * : First of all stop calling it the Rest and Relaxation Party of 2014 … and second of all … I have no idea. [Pencil giggles] * : So anyways, what's for dinner? * : Y'wan' to go out an' eat? * : Are you kidding? Penc, there comes a time in every father's life when he wants to leave his house. * : So to Match's it is! * : I'll go get my tuxedo! [Exeunt euntque to Match's restaurant.''This is from an episode that, at the time of writing (17 September 2016) does not exist.] * : We're finally finished with our final project of the summer! * : Don't forget our only collab! * : Yeah, this snow machine is really going to blow my neighbours' minds! [''Enter Leguito.] * : Yay, an invention! What is it this time? * : We're finally going to show the Asuharas what snow looks like with our Ayseline MacEinar! * : You're making something nice to people? * : I know, right? Being the son of high school alphas, I feel kind of warm inside! * : And being the son of high school omegas, I feel nothing! * : Wait, but I thought the Asuharas are from Japan! We learned in third grade that it snows there! * : The Asuharas haven't seen snow in 73 years after they moved here. [They go outside.] * : Alright, let's get this show on the road! * : More like snow on the road, huh? * : Hey, that's not cool! * : But the snow is. * : Okay, I'm going inside. You two are too weird! [They press the snow button, but instead ice comes out of the machine, slightly damaging the Asuharas' roof.] * : Uh oh. * : Should we help? * : I think we should ... It would take a frozen heart to not care for our wellbeing of our elderly neighbours. * : Oy vey ... * : Oi, m8, bes' date o' me life! * : Yeah, who knew that without kids you could still think of romance? ... But why'd you rip off my tuxedo? That costed twenty thousand shillings! * : I'm sorry, but when thet girl was checkin'ee out, I'd no choice but ter 'it'a! * : Then I bet the sight of my being benuded made her check me out some more! * : Sure did to me ... [she sees a note on the table] Was thet note there earlier? * : It might be one of Javier's floating letters from camp! Let's read what it says! [Pencil opens the letter and starts reading.] * : Oh no. This is bad. * : What is it? * : Read'e! * : [reading] "Dear Pen and Pencil: You have been forced invited to attend the filming of the pilot of Jacknjellify's new eternal show, Island Dream for Battle, that will be filmed in Yoyleland tomorrow at 20:00 as a continuation of Battle for Dream Island Again." Omg! * : You know wot this means! * : Yeah, they're going to make you into a really mean jerk who abuses her alliance, and they're going to make me go inside the TLC for several years, and my primary fashion consultant says rugged is so 2013! * : Oi, 't'ain' nice to call our daughter yer only fashion consultant! * : Penc, we've got bigger problems ... What will we tell our kids? Tuesday, August 5, 2014 * : Oh, I had such a bad dream. * : Did'e h'involve our being kidnapped? * : Yeah, I think we had the same nightmare! * : Aw, ! * : What? * : We ferget to pick up Sio! * : I told you about him last night, remember? [Flashback to last night.] * : [half-sleeping] Tomorrow can you pick up our son? * : No, 'ey're off a' camp. * : Okay ... [Return to real life.] * : Now thet I think of'ee, thet was a very telepathic facepalm. * : Well, I'd better go outside and finally take that early morning jog I've been dying to do. * : Tryin' to make yerself presentable fer when the BFDI people get'ee? * : No, I just believe a man has a right to go for a run every day. And that he look presentable. * : Oy vey. Wote'er, we're not goin' to Yoylelan' to later! * : [kisses her] I'll have fun. * : Do enjoy yer run, dear. An' don' meet up with the boys a' th' All-Day Sports Bar to watch the game! * : Aw, but it's so fun ... I mean, I'll probably not watch the game. [He opens the door. Two mysterious hooded fellows are on the other side.] * : Okay, I am definitely not watching the game. * : Oi, wot d'ye want from us? We're jus' an innocen' average non-traditional family! [They don't speak.] * : Are you, like, the Grim Reaper or something because let me warn you. We are household run on slightly Jewish values and we don't exactly believe in that stuff. [The figures back away a bit.] * : Wot's 'appenin'? * : It's bad enough that they're Anti-Semitic, now they enter people's houses just to slowly back away! * : They were'nt ent'rin', they'ven' got inter our 'ouse! * : Technically they did pass the sidewalk that says "Welcome to the Clubhouse of Awesomeness starring the last living member of FreeSmart and her gallant war hero husband". * : I' don' says thet! * : Yes, it does. * : Maybe in yer dreams, m8, y'know the one where you get to rule th' entire military again. * : How do you know what I dream? * : Oh, just come with us! * : Pushy much? [Exeunt Pencil and Pen.] TO BE CONTINUED Category:Episodes Category:New episode